Creating the Perfect Sexual Environment and a Guide to Your First Time: Male Health and Psychological Preparation to Overcome the "First Time Awkwardness"

Sexual Environment

The sexual environment refers to the internal and external environment in which two people engage in sexual intercourse, especially the external environment that is clearly conducive to enhancing the sexual arousal of both parties. Generally speaking, the environmental influences that are expected to achieve a satisfactory sexual outcome can be divided into the external environment, the internal environment, and the environment jointly created by both parties.

(1) External Environment: Sexual intercourse between men and women should be filled with a warm, tender, and romantic atmosphere, especially making both parties feel intimate, warm, relaxed, and happy, in order to arouse desire and sexual arousal. A quiet and harmonious indoor environment is very important; it is not easy for several generations to sleep in the same room to stimulate the development of sexual desire and arousal. The surroundings of the house should be quiet. If there are frequent noises outside the room, the bed is prone to creaking, the indoor lighting is too bright or dark, or the smell is foul, it may significantly reduce the sexual arousal of both parties, especially the woman, and thus delay or even prevent sexual pleasure and orgasm. Before sexual intercourse, both partners should ideally shower to ensure their clothes and bodies are clean and free of odor. A dirty appearance and unpleasant smell can repel the other person and suppress their sexual desire. It should be noted that a woman's vibrant colors, delicate figure, beautiful hair, and fragrance (especially a unique body odor) can easily arouse the other person's sexual desire; similarly, passionate kisses, touches, embraces, and tender words can often stimulate sexual arousal. Besides the aforementioned housing and the appearance of both partners, the climate and season are also important. Generally speaking, summer and winter are less likely to arouse sexual desire due to the heat and cold, while spring and autumn, especially spring, offer a more comfortable temperature and pleasant weather, making it easier for both partners to share orgasm.

(2) Internal environment: This mainly refers to the physiological state of the body's organ functions and mental consciousness. Most animals experience heightened sexual arousal and increased reproductive capacity during their estrus cycle (such as in spring), and humans, being primates, also exhibit this attribute to some extent. Women experience regular periods of heightened sexual desire, and men, due to higher levels of sex hormones, are also easily aroused. At these times, both partners are stimulated by sex hormones and are easily moved. Generally speaking, love leads to sex, and sex can express genuine love. If the couple has a deep emotional bond and harmonious sex life, the pleasure is intense and pleasurable; otherwise, the opposite is true. Changes in the temperament or mental state of the couple can also affect the success of sexual intercourse. Firstly, harmonious feelings and mutual cooperation are essential; secondly, high spirits, full energy, and a joyful mood are crucial. Both partners should be understanding and their movements gentle and not rough. Furthermore, sexual intercourse is not advisable for women who have not yet recovered after childbirth or during menstruation to avoid infection or other illnesses. When either or both partners are ill or have not yet recovered, their weakened immune system leads to decreased libido and susceptibility to other ailments. Therefore, when the internal environment of either or both partners is unfavorable, sexual intercourse is generally not advisable.

(3) Creating a favorable sexual environment for both partners: While the sexual environment can be divided into internal and external environments, they often influence each other. Although the external environment is generally considered important, experience shows that even during periods of heightened sexual arousal, a careless word or gesture from one partner can drastically alter the situation, ruining all previous efforts, or even causing conflict. Undeniably, a favorable environment during sexual activity plays a crucial role in arousal.

First Night Techniques

The wedding night is a moment long awaited by both the bride and groom. For them, the wedding night is filled with mystery, wonder, and romance. How to happily spend this sweet wedding night and have a good first sexual experience is the most important question for every newlywed couple. The success or failure of the first sexual intercourse will have an important impact on the future life of both parties. However, newlyweds often lack sexual knowledge and experience, and are prone to nervousness and "first night embarrassment" when trying sex for the first time. Therefore, newlyweds should learn some knowledge and skills in sex science. Specifically, the following points should be noted:

(1) Avoid being nervous on the wedding night and cooperate with each other. Mystery is always something to look forward to, but once faced, some people will be at a loss, or even have doubts and fears. A pure bride may be in such an embarrassing situation on her wedding night: due to a lack of sexual experience and sufficient sexual knowledge, she will often have various worries about the first sexual intercourse that is about to take place, worrying that she will be at a loss due to shyness, or that she will fail due to lack of sex appeal, or that she will suffer unbearable pain... In fact, these worries are unnecessary. If both partners truly love each other and cooperate well, the first sexual intercourse will surely culminate in climax, and all the aforementioned worries will vanish. In short, avoid tension during the joyous night; let everything flow naturally. Don't constrain yourself with "etiquette," nor pretend to be overly affectionate. This allows emotions and sexual ability to be fully expressed. On the wedding night, the bride will likely feel somewhat shy and reserved, so the groom should be considerate and loving towards her. During the first intercourse, the groom should gradually arouse the bride's desire, and the bride should not be completely passive but actively cooperate to achieve a harmonious sexual experience. After the first intercourse, it's best to wait 2-3 days before having a second intercourse to allow any minor damage to the woman's reproductive organs to heal. It is particularly important to emphasize that if the bride happens to be menstruating on their wedding night, the newlyweds must control their emotions, be understanding and loving towards each other, and wait until the bride's menstruation has ended before engaging in sexual intercourse. If either party cannot control themselves, the consequences will inevitably be painful.

(2) On the wedding night, based on physical desires, the groom often desperately wants to satisfy his sexual urges, while the bride may feel shy. At this time, the groom should first shower the bride with affection, using various techniques of love to make her feel that her husband's love for her far exceeds physical desire, until she is willing to give herself entirely to her husband, ultimately achieving mutual satisfaction through sexual union. At the beginning of intercourse, the groom should proceed gradually through gentle movements, sweet words, and intimate kisses. This can help the bride overcome shyness and fear. Since female sexual arousal is slower than male arousal, the groom's use of techniques of love can arouse the woman's sexual desire. Only after the woman is sexually aroused can the vagina and vestibular glands secrete a large amount of lubricating fluid. When sexual desire becomes uncontrollable, the amount of this secretion is sufficient to meet the needs of lubricating the sexual organs during intercourse. At this time, the penis can be easily inserted into the vagina, and the woman experiencing sex for the first time will not feel much pain. Many young men often ejaculate before penetration due to excessive excitement during their first few sexual encounters. This is not premature ejaculation. If this happens, the woman should understand and comfort him, and should never ridicule or scold her husband. As long as normal sexual activity is maintained, this state of excessive excitement will naturally disappear over time and with the accumulation of sexual experience.

(3) The first issue encountered during first intercourse is the hymen. A virgin's vagina is a potential cavity with the anterior and posterior walls tightly pressed together. There is a natural barrier at the vaginal opening—the hymen—which faithfully guards the vagina, preventing it from being violated. The hymen is about 2 millimeters thick and has a certain degree of elasticity. When the penis first enters the vagina, the hymen may tear, causing a small amount of bleeding and mild pain for the woman. This is a normal physiological phenomenon and there is no need to be nervous; it will recover with just a couple of days of rest. This also requires the groom to be gentle and not to be self-centered, causing the bride mental displeasure and physical pain, or even exacerbating her fear of sexual intercourse. However, under normal circumstances, the pain caused by the rupture of the hymen is very mild and nothing to worry about, especially in a state of extreme excitement, where it is entirely possible not to feel any pain. On the contrary, the more fearful one is, the more sensitive one becomes to pain. The degree of pain also depends on the groom's behavior. At this time, the bride can help the groom find the vaginal opening, which is actually helping herself as well.

Traditional feudal thinking has always regarded the hymen as a symbol of female chastity or virginity. Today, we still often see in some literary works that a girl who has been raped is said to have lost her most precious thing; a newlywed wife reveals her past sexual behavior, and the husband is devastated. In reality, the girl's suffering is essentially the violation of her human rights; and what does the husband regret when his wife reveals her past sexual behavior? Is it the loss of his dignity, or the regret of not being able to possess her past? An intact hymen was once considered a symbol of a woman's chastity, and the issue of the hymen causes distress and confusion for many young people. Some men in society suspect that a woman is not a virgin because she doesn't bleed during her first sexual encounter. Many women also worry that their hymen has ruptured due to masturbation or other reasons, leading to suspicion and rejection from their boyfriends or husbands. When a woman's hymen ruptures during her first sexual intercourse, there may be a small amount of bleeding, which usually subsides on its own after 2-3 days. After a period of sexual activity, the hymenal opening may become looser and larger. After childbirth, the hymen is further damaged due to the vaginal delivery of the fetus, sometimes leaving only a few remnants called "hymenal remnants." Although most women experience hymenal rupture pain and slight bleeding during their first sexual intercourse, some women have large and elastic hymenal openings, or have been previously injured, and therefore may not bleed. Strenuous labor or physical activity can also cause the hymen to rupture, and excessive masturbation can easily lead to hymenal rupture. Therefore, judging a woman's chastity solely based on whether the hymen is intact and whether there is bleeding during intercourse is unscientific. Furthermore, many hospitals and clinics in China currently perform hymenoplasty surgery, achieving a remarkably natural-looking result. A small number of women who were raped in childhood or abandoned by their boyfriends with whom they had premarital sex often undergo hymenoplasty to avoid the negative impact of these traumas on their future happiness, thus overcoming the shadows of their past. Some women are born without a complete hymen. A woman who doesn't bleed on her first night is not necessarily not a virgin, and a woman who bleeds on her first night is not necessarily a virgin.

(4) Newlyweds should pay attention to hygiene during sexual activity. On their wedding night, both partners should ideally take a bath, especially cleaning their external genitalia. Before sexual intercourse, the bride should not only clean her vulva but also urge the groom to clean his external genitalia and hands. If this is neglected, bacteria may be introduced into the vagina and urethra during intercourse. Because the female urethra is short, bacteria can enter the bladder through the urethral opening, leading to acute cystitis. If bacteria ascend the ureter to the kidneys, it can cause pyelonephritis. In addition, it is important to note that the frequency of sexual intercourse on the wedding night should not be excessive. Newlyweds, especially the groom, often have a very strong libido and an urgent need for intercourse. If this is not controlled, it can not only harm their physical health but may also affect their future work and life.